Thursday

This time tomorrow I should be in court. The condemned man awaits his sentence. One more arbeid hopefully. Hope to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay. Shall I drop an extra tablet tonight, just to get out of it. I’d saved one from the week I was off them. What could go wrong? I don’t get the verdict and have to stay another two weeks. This waiting around is murder. Glad I made the effort to go and do some fitness. Is it just a case of turning up or will something unexpected happen. I have been in prison when I should have been in a hospital. I am not well. I am mentally ill. I have to be don’t I? To suffer like this. I can operate normally but I suffer obsessive-compulsive thoughts which impair my day to day life. I need help and therapy not more prison.
I had a dream, a very vivid dream earlier this year that I would be in a place I couldn’t get out of and that dream came true. Is that what they call a premonition? Why Hilversum?
Tomorrow will pass by as just a blur. You’ve learnt so much about other people and maybe even a little about yourself in terms of dealing with anxiety and stress. I believe you’ve made it a hundred times worse than it should be!

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